The Slap Heard ‘Round the World

Atheist Bale
7 min readMar 28, 2022
Everybody hates Chris.

In a moment that usurped the cringe-inducing Moonlight/La La Land mix-up, the tone-deaf and self-indulgent George Clooney speech, and even the butchering of Idina Menzel’s name by John Travola, Will Smith went ahead and slapped Chris Rock in the face in front of millions of viewers. I feel pretty bad that the entire evening was dedicated to that moment, because I really enjoyed Coda and was glad a nice little movie like that won Best Picture.

But come on, who the fuck even cares about the Oscars anymore? They’re so irrelevant. Self-aggrandizing and sanctimonious snobs who pretend they decide what real cinema is, while historically ignoring women, minorities, and films outside of their typical liked genres. I wasn’t watching this year (I rarely do), but Twitter exploded when this happened and I got caught up just in time to see Will Smith win Best Actor just a half hour later. How awkward. The whole affair feels like something out of an Onion headline.

For those who are unaware, Chris Rock was presenting an award, and in the lead up, he cracked a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith’s baldness. He simply compared her to G.I. Jane, a Demi Moore film where Moore had shaved her head to look the part of a soldier. Jada Pinkett Smith suffers from alopecia (hair loss), so the joke was a little rude, but I wouldn’t say it was like she’s dying of cancer or something more dire…

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Atheist Bale

I’m not a pessimist, I’m correct. Follow me for troglodyte slaying 101.